I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
