Got a toothbrush?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
