So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
