It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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