seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize