Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
