Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
