I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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