we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
