I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
