A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize