they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Pooping to opera.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
