I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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