I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
