The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
