guys are not supposed to queef...right?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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