is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
