My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
