yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
