It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
