i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
