I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize