I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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