I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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