u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
