it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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