dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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