I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
