Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
