dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
