What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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