ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize