How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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