Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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