D3 body, D1 cock
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
