did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
