I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
