that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
