I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
