I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
