Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Green mimosas i think yes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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