weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
