overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
a search helicopter?!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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