Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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