At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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