She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize