yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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