I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
