come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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