dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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