Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
