just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
