I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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