BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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