I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize