I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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