My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
