it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Define "chronic" masturbator.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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