Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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