talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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