Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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