You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
