his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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