i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
