things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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