He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
