You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
