he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
whose parrot is this?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
