I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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