You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
