I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
