Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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