my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
