last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
