That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
