Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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