He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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