Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
