i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
