i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
