I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
