What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
