A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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