If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
