Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i believe in u and ur pee
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize