Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
