This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
