listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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