True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
