I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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