got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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