She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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