The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Everclear isn't food dammit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize