May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
