sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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