oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
