over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
