I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
