well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
