Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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