i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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