It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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