At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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