singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
