You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
