dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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