i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there was a trapeze. enough said
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize