Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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